The urgency of needing to seek out a dog who no longer exists but for the memories. I get these moments of weakness, I feel I need to get into the Jeep and go pick up Hummel from somewhere. It is impossible, I was the one to bury her. Daily, I walk past her grave. I don’t think it ever gets any easier. The scar tissue deepens, we become stronger with the topic but the loss is eternal.
Pay attention! My attention is diverted to so many things and issues that any type of new diversion would have to be ……well nagging. All day long from the initial morning hour to early evening I had been nagged by something on the inside of my shorts. At one point I grabbed the shorts and gave them a good yank hoping to dislodge what I thought was similar to a stick tight burr. Nothing changed and I continued to rake the lawn, clean up after a dog, ride a bike, reset the solar lights into the sun, work on the computer, prepare meals, broom the floor. The needling had gotten to be such a nag that I walked up the bathroom to drop the garments and see what was doing the badgering. I wear cotton bloomers. I want and like to be comfortable, hence the choice. There is elastic banding around the leg opening and within this banding I found the tiniest white feather. Others find feathers, me I have feathers around because of down comforters or pillows and have never felt a fitting together to the spiritual world. Others have those special moments from loved ones who have taken the Peace Walk; that is never my good fortune or persona. The day’s date was a month after my heart and soul left this earth. She knew every molecule of my being. She knew it would take more than a loose feather in or about any room to let me know all is fine. Believe~